My body isn't perfect, but it is mine and I am finally healthy [Exra skin after weight loss]

perfect: adjective ˈpərfikt/ 1. having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

You know, when I started this journey almost 5 years ago I thought I would lose the weight and things would simply be better.  I would finally be able to wear bikini's, midriff shirts and somehow losing weight would solve all my confidence issues. At first I believed losing weight would be a cure all, somehow in achieving the perfect body I would finally be happy. Man was I wrong, nothing is instantaneous and I have learned that everything is a process.

With that being said I may not have the perfect body, but what is perfect anyway? Society has engrained it into our brains that perfect means thin, no stretch marks, not a hair out of place.  Yet this shouldn't be how it is, perfect shouldn't be some standard that we have to meet. Hell, the definition of the word perfect is pretty vague, sure it says that to be perfect we have all the desirable traits needed to be as good as it is possible to be but these "traits" we are supposed to have based on societies views are bullshit.  For a long time I fed into society's views and even sometimes still find myself falling for their tricks. Comparing myself to this person or that.  Even though I still end up comparing myself I will say that I am finally happy and that it is okay in my opinion to be perfectly imperfect.

So now I am finally ready to share something I am deeply self conscious about with all of you because I know there are so many people out there who can relate to me.  For so long I have hidden my body after weight loss because I was embarrassed of it.  Only posting pictures where my extra skin is nice and concealed. Which seems crazy right, you would think after losing 130+ pounds that I would be so eager to get into a bikini correct? WRONG! What no one tells you is that after losing weight you WILL HAVE extra skin, you will have stretch marks and your body will not be perfect.  You will not have the tight, perfectly toned body [even though you do have muscle somewhere under the loose skin].  At first I loathed my new body, ignoring the fact that even though my body was not perfect it was finally healthy.  It has taken me 5 years to realize that my body is more than just something to look at. It is something amazing and my extra skin and stretch marks are reminders of the hard work I have put in to become healthy.  So even though I may never look like society says I should it is okay because my body is mine, it is healthy and it is perfectly imperfect just like it should be.  So I will wear my bikini, my midriff shirts and whatever else I please because this is my body and I am proud of how far it's come.

Regardless of all of my loose and extra skin, I am proud of my body because it is healthy and it is mine.

What were my underlying reasons to start getting healthy?

Recently I was asked the question: "What started you on your journey?"  After hearing the question I had to sit and think for a minute causing the person to ask another question, "Was it so you could find a significant other?"  Well the second question produced an immediate response. No I did not start my journey in order to obtain a boyfriend, for I already had a boyfriend (now my husband) who has always loved me for who I am.  He was not scared away by my size, and when asked how he could love me back then he typically shrugs and says easily.  So no, becoming more attractive to impress the opposite sex was not my main reason.  Perhaps the vain part of me did want to become more attractive for him, but I did not do it solely for the purpose of vanity.

I think the most underlying reason for why I began my journey is because I wanted to live.  I no longer wanted to be the girl who was slowly killing herself with food and piling on the weight.  I want to live to be old enough to have great grand children.  I want to live long enough so I can enjoy the world and travel.  I want to spend my whole life with my husband, without worrying if my obesity was eventually going to kill me.  I was tired of being tired.  Walking up stairs winded me, sometimes even walking from my car winded me.  I worked with children and I could not play duck duck goose with them without sweating and needing a break.  It was mortifying, and I realized I could no longer lead a life where living was not my priority.  Food had become my comfort, but this comfort was slowly killing me.  I had to change my ways so I could truly live.

So there you have it, the reason I started was because I wanted to live.  Simple as that.  Before this I was on the road to death.  Slowly dying with every bad thing I ate and every elevator instead of the stairs that I took. If you think about it living is a pretty big motivator.  Especially when you realize how much you actually have to live for.

What I miss...

What I miss from 114lbs ago...

I miss eating without questioning what I was eating and wondering what the nutritional content of my meal was.

I miss devouring a whole pizza and washing it down with an ice cold drink.

I miss having almost a whole thing of oreos and glass of milk to myself.

I miss the feeling that food used to give me, a feeling of euphoria.

I miss how food had no boundaries, how the sky was the limit and I could indulge in anything I pleased.

I miss how serving sizes didn't matter, they were just a number on the label.

But here is what I don't miss.

Cowering behind food, using it as a mask.

Pretending the stares and comments didn't hurt. Trying to be the funny one to fit in and ignore the hurt I felt inside.

My legs chaffing as I walked, and never being able to wear shorts due to them always riding up.

Feeling winded after walking up a flight of stairs, not being able to run without feeling as though I was suffocating.

Gorging myself to the point of physical pain. 

My clothes being tight and leaving marks in my skin.

The embarrassment of having to shop in a specialty store.

I can pretty much say what I don't miss out weighs what I do miss.  I know the things I miss are things that only the unhealthy me needed.  The new me doesn't need those things to be happy.  Food can no longer be my mask, my comfort, my friend.  It is now just there to nourish me. On the occasion it is still there to soothe a stressful day, only this time I use it as the label states. One serving is all I need.

Maintenance is a choice!

I have already written how it all started, and how I finally got my life under control. What I haven't talked about is how maintaining my weight has been just as hard for me as losing all the weight in the first place. When I first reached my goal weight I was ecstatic, thinking everything was going to be so easy and perfect now. Boy was I wrong! Within six months of reaching my goal I was up 7lbs. I realized I needed another wake up call.  Just because I reached my goal weight it didn't mean I could stop working hard. Here are a few things I have learned in the last year of attempting to maintain:

Just because you are at your goal does not mean you can stop counting calories. I realized this after I  gained the weight back.  Just because I am finally at a healthy weight it doesn't give me the excuse to binge eat.  Calories in are calories in, and 3500 calories worth of unneeded food still equals one pound of fat.  It is easier to see how many unneeded calories I eat when I am logging my food daily.  It helps me stay focused and on track.

Never stop exercising. Once you stop exercising it is hard to get back on track.  I have found that doing things I love makes exercising more enjoyable.  Lately I have been going on more hikes, walking the dog for longer periods of time and running.  These are all things I love so I never dread doing them. I am thinking about mixing in some weight training but need to find a fun way to do it.

Always set new goals for yourself! This doesn't mean you need to set new weight loss goals.  You can set any kind of goal you want.  I am thinking about setting some exercise goals.  Making sure I run at least 20 miles a week and walk the dog 6 days a week.  I also have a goal of only stepping on the scale once a week, this goal is to keep myself sane.  Weighing myself everyday just makes me crazy.  I know weight fluctuates daily, no need to stress myself out over it.

Always keep moving forward. Just because you are at your goal weight does not mean that all of your problems are solved.  I still have many hard days where I am having self doubt.  I am still self conscious but the only thing I can do is to keep moving forward.  Keep looking at the positives and continue my path to a healthy life.  It will never be easy but it really is worth it.

Maintenance is not just handed to you, it is a choice.  I have to choose to keep working out, I have to choose to eat healthy, I have to choose to stay fit.  I can not go back to my old habits ever.  I have to realize they are just as unhealthy to me now as they were when I was classified as morbidly obese. So now I choose to maintain my weight. I choose to stay fit and healthy.  I will maintain my weight for the rest of my life because I want to live a long and happy life.

Get an accountability partner!

Having trouble staying on track? Find yourself an accountability partner!   Someone who you can call, text, email, etc. and tell them what you did to work out and how your eating went.  Do this daily.  This person can then in turn tell you about their day and you work together to motivate each other!

At the moment, my fiance is my accountability partner.  We keep tabs on each other daily.  Inquiring about what we did to work out and how we ate.  It really helps to have him around, it keeps me on track.  When I think about eating something bad for me I also think about how I would have to tell him I ate it.  This usually stops me from making bad decisions. It is also nice that I use him because we work out with each other on the weekends.  Motivating each other to go outside for a run/hike instead of just lounging around inside all day.  As much as I love having lazy time on the weekend, it is also nice to be active.

I also have a my fitness pal account and have added many friends on there.  MFP is a great place, with lots of motivated people willing to support you.  On MFP you can log your weight, food and workouts daily.  Others can see all of this and comment on things.  Supporting you throughout your weight loss journey! I have yet to find someone who is judgmental on there and just love the site.  Check it out!

Changing your lifestyle is hard, losing weight is hard but it is all totally worth it! Find yourself an accountability partner and get started on the right track today! You can do this, we all can do this.

My number one most asked question after losing over 110lbs.

My number one most asked question: Do you have any extra loose skin from all of your weight loss?

Answer: Yes I do, however I am working hard to get rid of it.  Right now I am doing some weight training and it has helped tone my arms and I hardly have any extra skin left on them.  However, my abdomen is a different story.  It isn't to the point where I can't feel confident in a bikini but it just isn't tight.  When I bend over I can see all the skin move to my center of gravity.  Not really what I want, but it is what it is.  I am working hard to try and get rid of it.  My advice to you is to start weight training NOW, it helps a lot in getting rid of the excess skin.  I really wish I had started weight training earlier in my weight loss journey.  May have helped my abdomen be less loose.

Don't starve yourself

IMPORTANT: Temporary diets, yield temporary results. You don't have to starve yourself to lose weight.

If you want to lose weight and keep it off for good you need to change your whole lifestyle. You need to put in your full effort.  There is no quick fix, so stop restricting your calories so much and instead eat a healthy amount through out the day for your bodies needs.  That way your metabolism stays running high all day and can readily convert what you eat and drink into the energy your body needs. 

When you restrict your caloric intake for the day to something really low your body begins to use your muscle for energy.  So instead of losing that pesky fat you want to get rid of, you are losing your muscle.  Less muscle means a slower metabolism and a slower metabolism burns less calories throughout the day.  So now not only is your body getting rid of muscle, but it is burning less calories and you are losing less weight.  Does this sound like a good way to lose weight? NO! We want to keep our metabolism going strong all day and we want to lose fat not muscle!

If you want to lose more weight work on building more muscle. Our metabolic rate is partially due to the amount of muscle we have.  As said earlier less muscle means a slower metabolism, so if you have more muscle you will have a higher metabolism!  This is why younger people and men tend to have higher metabolisms. I know some women are afraid of weight training because they think they are going to look like a body builder but this is not the case (unless you are training to be a body builder, which takes years of dedication). So women, start doing weights it will do you a world of good in helping boost your metabolism!

In the end, eating too few calories can end up being just as bad for your body as eating too many calories is. It is important to remember that the less you consume, the less fat your body burns. So, eat healthy and skip the dieting.  Your body needs energy, let the food you put in it be that energy.

Eating out

I absolutely love to eat out. There is just something about going out for a meal and not having to do a darn thing.  Don't get me wrong, as you can see from my blog I love to cook but once in awhile it is nice to have someone else do the cooking.  That way I even get out of doing the dishes!

What we all fail to remember is that it is okay to eat out! Now, am I saying that we should all eat out every day? No.  More than once a week? Probably not the best idea.  However, what I am saying is that as long as you plan it out ahead of time eating out can be less of a bad thing and more of a fun thing.

Now, it's time to get planning so you can go out!

Step 1: Find nutritional values for the place you want to go.  Most restaurants now readily provide nutritional information for there food.  If you cannot find any nutritional information online for where you want to go you can always call them and ask if they have it available at the restaurant.

Step 2: Plan it out! Figure out what you want to eat before you leave the house.  Are you going to have a dessert? If so which one? How is that going to affect what you choose as your main course?

Step 3: Plan out what you are going to eat through out the day before you go out to eat.  This way you are sure to stay around your caloric goal for the day!  If you plan on using a lot of your calories allotted when you are out to eat, try eating a bit lighter earlier in the day.

Step 4: Don't just think you have to get a salad.  A lot of the times you will be surprised to see that the 'healthy' salad you thought you were getting ends up having more calories than the food you were really craving.

Step 5: Enjoy your food, just because you are living a healthy lifestyle it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy your food.  If you want the high calorie eggplant parm that comes with spaghetti and sauce, get it!  Just remember to use portion control.  Ask for a box right away and put half of your meal in it.  That way you aren't tempted to eat more than you allotted your calories for!

Once you have a plan eating out will become less stressful.  It will become fun again and you will be able to enjoy yourself instead of constantly worrying about how this meal is going to affect your day.

Written on my body.

I love how someone said my dedication is now written on my body.  What a perfect way to sum up all of my hard work, sweat, set backs, high points, challenges, ass kicking work outs, and lifestyle changes I have encountered over the past 3 years.

My dedication is written on my body.  Every time I look in the mirror I see a new me.  A healthier, happier and all together more amazing me.   I am not only healthier physically but mentally as well.  I can finally say I am proud of who I have become.  Now, I just want to live my life to the fullest and I want to inspire others to do the same.

Love your body and treat it with respect.  Then others will start to see your dedication written all over your own body.

Goal setting!

Whether you are at the end of your weight loss journey or at the beginning everyone has goals.  What are your goals? Write them down and hang them somewhere that you will see daily.  That way, when you are having a bad day you can remind yourself why you are working so hard.  You can remember what you are trying to accomplish.

Reevaluate your goals every once in awhile.  See which ones you have met and see which ones you would like to change.  If you meet all your goals, strive to come up with new, more challenging ones.  Life is all about challenging yourself.  Challenge yourself to do something you think is impossible at the moment.  Then, when you accomplish it you will realize that EVERYTHING is possible if you work for it.  Nothing comes easy, so keep working, keep setting goals and keep living healthy!

My goals at the moment:

1. To keep defining my abs, I want a tight body.
2. To do yoga 2 times a week.
3. To work out 6/7 days each week.
4. To work towards doing running race of some sort.
5. To love myself completely.
6. To focus on gaining muscle and not the pesky number on the scale.
7. To log my weight weekly (just to keep track).

These are just my health goals, feel free to also write down your personal life goals. :]

Do this for you!

YOU have to want to lose weight, no one else can want it for you.  Be your own motivator, dig deep inside and find your inner strength.  Changing your lifestyle to a healthy one has to be done when you are fully ready to commit to a life of health. Only you can know when you are ready, but when you are commit fully to whatever plan you have.  Don't half ass anything.  If you half ass it eventually you will end up close to where you started.  Changing takes courage and commitment.  You can do it!  Have faith in yourself and you will see results. :]

Some days are better than others.

Don't let one bad decision ruin your whole day, week or month. You can do this I promise you.  Remind yourself of the promise you have made to living a new healthy lifestyle.  This promise isn't just for now but it is for the rest of your life.

We all have bad days but we should never let one bad day stop us from reaching our goal.  For example yesterday at work my boss bought us all a chocolate cake to share.  Now I am typically not a fan of cake, but this one looked delicious with a whipped chocolate frosting and cookie crumbles on top. Yum, it was too appealing to the eye to say no so I had a pretty good sized piece.


After eating it my mind immediately started turning wondering if I should have had it or not.  I pondered about it for a minute or so and then reminded myself that one piece of cake wasn't going to kill my day.  What would kill my day was if I let that one piece of cake spiral into eating unhealthy for the duration of the day. Right then I decided I would eat the rest of my normally planned meals for the day and I would be fine.


One thing I have learned through this whole weight loss journey is that it is okay to let yourself have a treat every now and then.  Does that mean I eat treats every day? No. Do I even have one every other day? Not usually. However, I do allow myself to have them every once in awhile.


If you deprive yourself of the things you love you will only crave them more. Just remember, when you do have a treat try to use portion control.  Instead
of eating multiple servings, just have 1 and really enjoy that serving.  Try not
to use eating the treat as an excuse to throw away the rest of your day. Eating a treat every now and then will not kill your progress, but eating unhealthy all day everyday will.

Things that inspire me to keep going.

Here are a few comments that people from my past have sent to me recently after seeing my progress.  To know I inspire other's just fuels my fire to continue living healthy.  Thank you to everyone for your outpouring support and love.  I inspire you, and you in-turn inspire me.

"I ran at 6 am this morning because of you..... for serious. keep it up, keep up with the blog. I've shown your progress to countless people, I've referenced your perseverance to countless struggling patients, and at 25 with somewhat recalcitrant hypertension, I've used your experiences as my motivation to not take a lifelong disease lying down. Run a marathon and share it, you're an inspiration to everyone (even if they aren't commenting)" -Casey

"You are SUCH an inspiration lady! And as always, that beautiful smile has been the highlight of it all :)" -Kate

"Nichole, this is SOOO inspirational. So many people always think that they are stuck and you are just proof that you can accomplish anything that you want! I am soOooo motivated by this! you look great!" -Jenn  

"Wow we are so proud of you!!!!!!! You are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside. Love and miss you." -My Mom & Dad 

"Awesome blog Nichole! You're an inspiration. I'm proud of you for the lifestyle change that you have made... you look great!" -Kristen

Thank you all again.

Trying out yoga!

Now that Insanity is over I am trying to do an overhaul on my workout routine.  Trying all sorts of new activities and exercises to figure out what works best for me.  I work at a health club and really have no excuses since most classes are free for me to take.  It is a pretty nice perk to the job, free gym membership and a great facility to work out in!

This morning I decided to try out yoga with two of my friends (Cassandra and Shelby).  The class starts bright and early at 6am so I am able to get it done before work at 7:45!  I am an early to bed, early to rise kind of girl so I actually prefer morning classes compared to night ones. 

I was a little timid to try yoga at first as I really do not have much experience doing yoga at all.  I have done videos at home before, but honestly it is nothing like yoga in a class setting.  Once I got in there I felt a little more at ease as my friends are pretty new to the class too.  They only started to go last week. 

The class was difficult but it was also good for me.  I really think I could get into yoga if I keep going and keep up with it.  The instructor was really nice and complimented me on how strong I was (I will try not to let this go to my head but I was ecstatic when he said this).  He also was very helpful and did not mind that I was a beginner, in a not so beginner class.

Hopefully I can catch on to the yoga lingo, at the moment I only really know upward/downward dog.  I will get there slowly but surely.  I think I will make a goal of trying to fit yoga into my schedule at least 2 days a week!

I hope everyone is enjoying their Tuesday!  What did you do to work out today?

 

(Just a little motivation for everyone! I love this quote!)