My body isn't perfect, but it is mine and I am finally healthy [Exra skin after weight loss]

perfect: adjective ˈpərfikt/ 1. having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

You know, when I started this journey almost 5 years ago I thought I would lose the weight and things would simply be better.  I would finally be able to wear bikini's, midriff shirts and somehow losing weight would solve all my confidence issues. At first I believed losing weight would be a cure all, somehow in achieving the perfect body I would finally be happy. Man was I wrong, nothing is instantaneous and I have learned that everything is a process.

With that being said I may not have the perfect body, but what is perfect anyway? Society has engrained it into our brains that perfect means thin, no stretch marks, not a hair out of place.  Yet this shouldn't be how it is, perfect shouldn't be some standard that we have to meet. Hell, the definition of the word perfect is pretty vague, sure it says that to be perfect we have all the desirable traits needed to be as good as it is possible to be but these "traits" we are supposed to have based on societies views are bullshit.  For a long time I fed into society's views and even sometimes still find myself falling for their tricks. Comparing myself to this person or that.  Even though I still end up comparing myself I will say that I am finally happy and that it is okay in my opinion to be perfectly imperfect.

So now I am finally ready to share something I am deeply self conscious about with all of you because I know there are so many people out there who can relate to me.  For so long I have hidden my body after weight loss because I was embarrassed of it.  Only posting pictures where my extra skin is nice and concealed. Which seems crazy right, you would think after losing 130+ pounds that I would be so eager to get into a bikini correct? WRONG! What no one tells you is that after losing weight you WILL HAVE extra skin, you will have stretch marks and your body will not be perfect.  You will not have the tight, perfectly toned body [even though you do have muscle somewhere under the loose skin].  At first I loathed my new body, ignoring the fact that even though my body was not perfect it was finally healthy.  It has taken me 5 years to realize that my body is more than just something to look at. It is something amazing and my extra skin and stretch marks are reminders of the hard work I have put in to become healthy.  So even though I may never look like society says I should it is okay because my body is mine, it is healthy and it is perfectly imperfect just like it should be.  So I will wear my bikini, my midriff shirts and whatever else I please because this is my body and I am proud of how far it's come.

Regardless of all of my loose and extra skin, I am proud of my body because it is healthy and it is mine.

What I miss...

What I miss from 114lbs ago...

I miss eating without questioning what I was eating and wondering what the nutritional content of my meal was.

I miss devouring a whole pizza and washing it down with an ice cold drink.

I miss having almost a whole thing of oreos and glass of milk to myself.

I miss the feeling that food used to give me, a feeling of euphoria.

I miss how food had no boundaries, how the sky was the limit and I could indulge in anything I pleased.

I miss how serving sizes didn't matter, they were just a number on the label.

But here is what I don't miss.

Cowering behind food, using it as a mask.

Pretending the stares and comments didn't hurt. Trying to be the funny one to fit in and ignore the hurt I felt inside.

My legs chaffing as I walked, and never being able to wear shorts due to them always riding up.

Feeling winded after walking up a flight of stairs, not being able to run without feeling as though I was suffocating.

Gorging myself to the point of physical pain. 

My clothes being tight and leaving marks in my skin.

The embarrassment of having to shop in a specialty store.

I can pretty much say what I don't miss out weighs what I do miss.  I know the things I miss are things that only the unhealthy me needed.  The new me doesn't need those things to be happy.  Food can no longer be my mask, my comfort, my friend.  It is now just there to nourish me. On the occasion it is still there to soothe a stressful day, only this time I use it as the label states. One serving is all I need.

Vegetarian "Meatballs"

This is one of my favorite meals.  Nothing says comfort food like spaghetti and meatballs! I found this recipe a few years ago and it is still one of my favorites for vegetarian meatballs.  I tend to make the "meatballs" a little smaller so they can crisp up a little more. I've tried making them bigger and they end up being a little too soggy for my liking. These "meatballs" are delicious served over any kind of pasta and sprinkled with Parmesan cheese! (I originally found this recipe from cookin canucks blog.)

Vegetarian "Meatballs"

(photo from cookin canuks blog, I forgot to take my own when I made it.)

Ingredients

• 1 ½ cans (15 oz. each) Bush’s Cannellini Beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 roasted red bell pepper (2 halves), roughly chopped
• ½ medium yellow onion, grated
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• ¼ cup chopped Italian parsley
• 1 ½ tsp dried oregano
• 1 egg
• ½ cup dried breadcrumbs
• ½ tsp salt
• ½ tsp pepper
• 3 cups marinara sauce (canned or you can make your own!)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Thoroughly coat a large baking sheet with cooking spray.
2. In the bowl of a food processor, combine beans and roasted red peppers. Pulse until chopped, but not smoothly pureed.
3. Transfer the mixture to a medium-sized bowl and stir in grated onion, garlic, parsley, oregano, egg, breadcrumbs, salt and pepper until well combined.
4. Using a rounded 1 1/2 tablespoon portion of the bean mixture, form “meatballs” by rolling between the palms of your hands. Place the “meatballs” on the prepared baking sheet, spacing evenly.
5. Bake until the meatballs are firm to the touch and have developed a light golden brown coating, 15 to 20 minutes.
6. In a large saucepan, heat you favorite marinara sauce over medium heat until simmering. Add “meatballs” and stir to coat. Simmer until the sauce thickens slightly, stirring occasionally, 10 to 15 minutes.

Remember to go to the dentist

Not only is being at a healthy weight important to your overall health but so is going to the dentist.  So many problems stem from having bad teeth.  For one some studies have linked heart disease with having bad teeth and gums. Don't believe me? Check out this site.   Additionally, if you let bad teeth go for too long, you can get septicemia (blood poison), high blood pressure and mouth cancer. Now that doesn't sound like fun.  It's strange to realize that not taking care of your teeth can actually end up poisoning your whole body. Bad teeth can also cause typical problems such as mouth pain and bad breath.

After not going to the dentist for 4 years, I finally went a week ago at the urging of my fiance.  It was all bad news many cavities, a few crowns needed and I needed to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled.  Since that first cleaning I have gotten the right side of my mouths cavities filled and crown drilled.  I also just got my wisdom teeth out today. NEVER again will I not go to the dentist.  Even if you don't have insurance (which I do not) it is still important to go.  Groupon often has some great deals on dental cleanings and xrays, take advantage of these.  Your mouth and wallet with thank you!  Dental work only gets more expensive the longer you wait.

This is what I have learned from forgoing the dentist for as long as I did: If you can not make it to the dentist every six months like recommended, then strive for going once a year. Remember to floss daily also, this is super important.  It helps to break up the bacteria party that is trying to start between your teeth and on your gums.  If you don't break this party up they can lead to cavities.  Lets be honest, nobody wants a decaying tooth in their mouth, yuck! So floss daily, use mouth wash and brush at least 2 times a day.

We strive to keep ourselves healthy by staying fit, now we need to strive to stay healthy by taking care of our teeth!