What I miss...

What I miss from 114lbs ago...

I miss eating without questioning what I was eating and wondering what the nutritional content of my meal was.

I miss devouring a whole pizza and washing it down with an ice cold drink.

I miss having almost a whole thing of oreos and glass of milk to myself.

I miss the feeling that food used to give me, a feeling of euphoria.

I miss how food had no boundaries, how the sky was the limit and I could indulge in anything I pleased.

I miss how serving sizes didn't matter, they were just a number on the label.

But here is what I don't miss.

Cowering behind food, using it as a mask.

Pretending the stares and comments didn't hurt. Trying to be the funny one to fit in and ignore the hurt I felt inside.

My legs chaffing as I walked, and never being able to wear shorts due to them always riding up.

Feeling winded after walking up a flight of stairs, not being able to run without feeling as though I was suffocating.

Gorging myself to the point of physical pain. 

My clothes being tight and leaving marks in my skin.

The embarrassment of having to shop in a specialty store.

I can pretty much say what I don't miss out weighs what I do miss.  I know the things I miss are things that only the unhealthy me needed.  The new me doesn't need those things to be happy.  Food can no longer be my mask, my comfort, my friend.  It is now just there to nourish me. On the occasion it is still there to soothe a stressful day, only this time I use it as the label states. One serving is all I need.